29.6.15

Excavating the Ruins of a Marriage

It's weird going through the the accumulations of a life you're in the process of leaving behind. 

The first time I got divorced, I literally picked my clothes and walked away.  Not that we really had much else, but what we had, I didn't want anyway. This time is more complicated. There's a house to sell, and a house full of stuff to sort through. Sure, a lot of it is obviously mine or his, but we also have  a lot of stuff that 'we' acquired together. 

There's art and wine and flatware and glassware, kitchen accoutrements, Christmas ornaments, beds, other furniture, random memorabilia from vacations and events, and did I mention the wine? Boy, do we have wine.

Then there's the stuff in the hall closet that I can't figure out why we ever saved and that kitchen drawer I'm petty sure we can dump in the trash in its entirety. I look at it and can't think of the rationale for stuffing it away instead of pitching it. Yet I'm sure there were reasons for it at the time. 

I have to admit, though, the clearing out and dividing has made me feel better about the marriage that was. We had happy times. We laughed. We had fun. If it hadn't been so long since any of that has been true, I might even feel sad about the fact that it's over. But since it has been so long, I'm glad of the reminders. I'm glad to be able to remember the good, because for a long time, I could only see the negatives.

I found a series of CDs Matt made for me in the beginning of our relationship. The urgency to share what we loved with each other was great. I had forgotten about those CDs.  That I forgot does makes me sad. I also found the ticket stubs to our first concert together in LA. The Police at the Hollywood Bowl. As it tuned out, the show was lackluster and disappointing, but we had a great time anyway.

I'm not sure what I'll end up keeping. Now that I've unearthed the memories, I'm not too attached to the things.  I will take some wine, though, because wine is pretty delicious.

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