Bloody Hell

WARNING:  This post is all about my period. If you don't want to read about my period, stop now. 

Today was the kind of day that makes me yearn for menopause. First thing you need to know is that I've had my period for 12 days. 12 FUCKING DAYS!?  What the fuck?  At 10 days I called my gyno  and she told me not to panic. Given my age and the fact that my life has been a little stressful lately, that it's probably nothing. If it goes past 14 days call her back. So there's that. So here I am on day 12 and I woke up this morning and the minute I stood up, bled everywhere. It looked like a murder scene. So I pulled the pillow case off my pillow to try to prevent a blood trail across the white carpet and got to the bathroom to clean up. Which I completed successfully only to clog the toilet because, you know lots of wet wipes and toilet paper...  So the toilet was clogged but still running and I really didn't want to have an overflow so I went to turn off the water and (and if you're still reading and not totally gagging yet, give it a second) my hair went right into the toilet. Joy. So there I was with befouled hair and nothing but a roll of toilet paper and a trash can in my immediate reach. So I picked up the trash can and held it around my hair while I got to the shower and turned it on and finally got all the way washed off, only to have to address the still-clogged toilet and blood-soaked pillow case when I was done. 

So, pillow case first - I threw it away. I couldn't face trying to deal with soaking and wringing and bleaching. Which means I had to throw the matching case away, too, because mismatched cases are lame. 

On to the toilet. I admit the whole pillow case thing was probably just an avoidance tactic because the toilet was scary. Still filled to the brim with bloody water and no sign of anything happening spontaneously. 

First order of business:  find the plunger. I knew there are two in the house, but exactly where was more of a puzzle. I finally found them securely wrapped in garbage bags in the garage. And by this time, I was just annoyed. I almost considered just leaving it until later, but then decided why not get all the stupid done for the day and take care of it. 

The next problem was how to plunge without splashing the gross water all over. I solved this by filling the trash can with some of the excess and went for it. I must have worked for a good twenty minutes to no avail. So now I had a trash can full of bloody water and a toilet full of bloody water. 

Fortunately, I have a snake. So, I went for it. I fed at least ten feet of that thing down the toilet before anything happened, but it finally unclogged. Then I had to reel it back in. 

Oh. My. God. What was attached to the end of that thing was so horrifying that I will say no more, except that it got on me due to the whipping of the winding action. 

At this point, I cried. Because what the hell?  And then I threw the snake and the trash can away and poured a bottle of rubbing alcohol over myself and took another shower. 

And the take away is, always close the toilet seat lid when you're leaning anywhere near the toilet. It's the smart thing to do. 


Dirty Kitten said...

Sweet Jesus and ice cream! I hate having my period for 4 days. Hope it stops soon!