20 Things I've Learned Since I Graduated High School 20 Years Ago

I set out with the intention of listing 20 things I've learned since I graduated high school, but then I thought that seemed kind of arbitrary, since I've learned lots and lots of things since then.  So then I decided to create a comprehensive list, but that list got really boring (e.g., I've learned the word for 'socks' in Spanish) and really long (and this isn't my diary - and if it were my diary, I wouldn't need to list what I've learned, since I know what I've learned), so I decided to shorten the list to 10 things.  At which point I realized that since I was just going with arbitrary numbers, 20 was as good as 10 (or better because it's twice as many) and so here it is.  I guess it should really be called 20 (of thousands) of things I've learned since I graduated from high school 20 years ago (holy shit! and in no particular order):

1)  Sometimes, even smart people mispronounce 'nuclear.'

2)  That girl who dropped out of high school to become a stripper?  She could go on to become the dean of a well-respected women's college, so you never know...

3)  Once a powertool, always a powertool.

4)  When the guy you're in love with (but who isn't in love with you) tells you his wife/girlfriend is pregnant, it's seriously time to move on.

5)  Nonplussed probably doesn't mean what you think it means.

6)  Trust, but verify.*

7)  Sometimes, even people you find utterly detestable in every way say valuable things.

8)  Dandelions are a real bitch to get rid of.

9)  General Admission is much less awesome after you turn 35.

10)  Some people will, literally, never learn.

11)  Never give relationship advice - most especially when someone asks for 'your honest opinion.'

12)  Vacations with the family aren't the same as actual vacations.

13)  Heed expiration dates.

14)  Baby wipes remove a multitude of stains.

15)  The minimum amount of time you should wash your hands is 20 seconds, that's either the ABC song or two times through Happy Birthday.  So now you'll know, if you ever meet me in the bathroom, why I'm humming my ABCs.

16)  In a pinch, several household projects can be completed with a shoe with a decent heel, a butter knife, toothpaste, chopsticks, and tape.

17)  Awesome new shoes can solve several mental health issues.

18)  It's worth the extra money to have a really skilled aesthetician do your Brazilian.

19)  White carpet is an unwise choice.

20)  Bangs take approximately 75x longer to grow out than the rest of your hair.

*  You may recognize this as a quote from Ronald Reagan (a fact that makes my flesh crawl), but in spite of the fact that I find him one of the ickiest people ever to have lived, when you're right, you're right.