Things I Wish I Had the Guts to Say

1.  Your kid is an asshole.  Biting is not cute.  Neither is screaming, hitting, interrupting, breaking things, or spitting food.  Grow a backbone and be the boss of your child before I'm forced kick her in the head.

2.  You shouldn't leave the house without looking at the back of yourself in the mirror.  It's a mess back there.

3.  You're an adorable person, but you dress like a homeless person.  And not in a good way.

4.  There are too many ways to maintain your hair color these days to have that much root showing.

5.  Stop with the heavy black eyeliner.

6.  You mess with your balls a lot.  And, um, ew.

7.  Keep your dog off me.  I like dogs, but I don't want your giant, slobbering Irish Setter on my lap or with his paws on my shoulders.

8.  If this is your idea of clean, you're headed for an episode of Hoarders.

9.  Your relative's battle with cancer is not license for you to act like a dickwad all the time and then cite said battle as an excuse.

10.  You're a terrible cook.  Use someone else as a guinea pig.  Please.


Catherine said...

Holy lord, I love you, Dorothy.