13.4.11

Mortified

To my niece:

It will take a few more years, but life becomes much less embarrassing. Even in a couple of years, your parents and grandparents and I will all lose our innate ability to humiliate you.

After a while, you'll realize that embarrassing shit happens to us all. Usually, and most horribly, at our own hands. After you get your first (and only) restaurant job - as hostess - and then, at the end of your first week, miss the last step of a wood staircase and go sailing across the restaurant with your skirt over your head and don't die of embarrassment, things get easier. And easier still after the day you spent swimming with a crush, unaware that the water made your new swimsuit completely see-through. Or the time you accidentally sent the rather explicit email intended for your best friend about your crush to your crush instead. Once you lock yourself out of your apartment with no pants on, fly headlong over your bicycle handlebars on a busy San Francisco street, walk back from lunch with your skirt tucked into your pantyhose, knock over the Caesar salad tableside service cart while trying to get your arm in your coat, you're all set for the time you sneeze and have a giant string of snot shoot out of your nose while you're doing a presentation. It'll be a piece of cake to fall backwards off a bar stool while you're trying to be cool and coy with that dude you really like and snort-laugh at a relatively unfunny joke told by a dashing celebrity at an Academy Awards party. By the time you split your skirt on a date, you'll be laughing so hard you won't have time to be really embarrassed.

Really. I promise. Because it happens to everyone. And at the very least, you can take comfort in knowing that all of the incidents listed above are from my own repertoire.










2 comments:

Yolk E said...

Your posts are my own tales...

I wonder, my dear, if you could add "farted, more than once, in a quiet, restorative yoga class. And came back to class the following week" to that list :-)

Dorothy said...

I can, indeed add that. Because we're supposed to be completely relaxed, right? ^__^