Pop Goes the Sternum?

In the last week or so, I've noticed a lot of changes in my flexibility.  It's happening all around.  All of a sudden, I'm more flexible.

Now, I've always been pretty flexible.  I was born that way - especially in the legs and lower back.  Recently, though, everything is sort of opening up.  It's pretty cool.

My least flexible place has always been my upper spine.  Not so bendy.  I think due mostly to a minor curviture of the spine there.  Instead of a lovely straight column, I have a bit of a C-curve in my upper back.  It doesn't bother me, or hurt or really affect any aspect of my life, except for backbackbends. 

A few days ago, I started into my first backbend and I could push up through my sternum higher than ever before and get a better arc in my upper back.  Cool. 

Two days ago, I went into the standing backbend and there was a pop in my sternum.  Like a knuckle, but instead of a knuckle in the front of my chest.  Kind of gross, really.  It didn't hurt or anything, but it was kind of a weird sensation.  Then it happened again in standing bow.  Then again in camel. 

For two days now, whether in the yoga room or out, my sternum has been popping when I arch my back.  It has me only slighlty concerned.  I know there are joints in the sternum.  The thing is, are they supposed to move enough to pop? 

When I asked my teacher after the first time it happened she said that it was probably just my chest opening in new ways and that I was developing new flexibility in my sternum.  I'm sure she's probably right, but I'd like a second opinion.  So if anyone else has experienced this before, please pipe in and let me know if you've needed chest-replacement surgery or if it finally stops cracking, or if it keeps cracking forever, but your chest never actually splits open.  Thanks a mil.


Lazy Blogger

I've been a very lazy blogger.  And in true lazy blogger fashion, I don't care.  I have posts half-written, languishing away in my drafts.  Oh well.  Even now, I'm going to be lazier still and stop now.


So Cool

Instead of buying presents for eachother, Matt and I decided to get a few things we really wanted for Christmas.  One of them was a cool piece of furniture - a wine storage cabinet, one of them was a Blu-ray player that connects to the internet so we can view our instant Netflix on our good TV, and an Eye-fi Geo card for the camera.

The furniture was immediately put to use and now houses most of the wine that sat in boxes in the office after we overbought in Napa.  The Blu-ray and the Eye-fi have sat languishing in their boxes because I have to be the one to do all technology-related tasks in the house as Matt is not technologically inclined (at all) and I haven't gotten to them.  Until today. 

They are both SO COOL.  The Blu-ray also has a movie service - a sort of pay-per-view type of thing, but all HD - although with our Netflix subscription, we don't really need it, but still cool.  I watched a couple of documentaries that Matt wasn't that interested in and caught up on Dexter.  Rad.

The Eye-fi Geo is a memory card with a wee wireless chip that tags your photos with a location and then wirelessly uploads them to your computer.  Fucking fantastic.  And Eye-fi has an iPhone application that will transfer your pictures from your phone to your computer wirelessly, too.  There are a bunch of different cards that Eye-fi makes.  Some of them even upload video.

Sometimes I feel like I was born out of my time - like I should have been born in another era - but when I think about it, I really love plumbing and electricity and climate control and cool shit like wireless memory cards for my digital cameras.  And when I think in those terms, I realize that this is where I belong. 

Yay technology.


Time's Come

As much as we hate to admit it, most of our relationships are finite.  I'm not talking about romantic relationships, I'm talking about all relationships.  We'd like believe that our best friend is actually our best friend forever. 

For almost 20 years I had the same best friend.  And then something happened.  It was quick.  There was no longer a give and take in the relationship.  I realize that there are times when each person in a relationship needs more.  The problem became that she always needed the time, reassurance, cheerleading, encouragement, etc.  I became a kind of therapist - even though I begged her to find professional help.  For two years I did my best to be there for her.  But it stopped working.  Because it became too uneven. 

So I evaded for a while.  I hoped that she would find an equilibrium and let me off the hook a little so we might regain our balance.  That didn't happen, though.  She called me so much that I nearly changed my phone number. 

I can't do it anymore.  The time has come to shoot the horse.  It's hard, although when I think about it, I can't really figure out why.  Our friendship has been over for a long time.  I've been suffering her suffering because I didn't want to really admit that we aren't friends anymore. 

These are days I'd like to forgo.  But I can't ignore it anymore.  I can't hope that it will change, because it won't.  So now I have to have a hard conversation.  It isn't the first time and it won't be the last, but that doesn't make it better.  Saying goodbye is never easy.


What Do I Do Now?

So I wrote my stupid novel.  Well, I puked out a rough bunch of words that, when combined, contain a loose plotline and a few characters, anyway.

I've done it before.  I get a bunch of stuff written down and then I lose interest.  Or maybe I lose motivation?  I hate rewrites.  Editing makes me crazy.  It takes so much time.  I want to magic it all away.  Although, in truth, what I really hate is the fact that I'm not Mozart.  I can't produce a perfect symphony in my head and then just write it as if taking dictation.

This has been one of the biggest struggles of my lifetime - coming to terms with my ordinaryness.  Somehow, I always thought I would be really good at something.  Turns out, not so much.  Or at least if there is something, I haven't found it yet.

Another struggle is, I don't want to put the effort into getting good.  I was a much better writer in college, when I wrote all the time, than I am now.  I had to write all the time.  It was my major.  I had to produce.  It was good practice. 

I need to make myself do this exercise of editing the gelatinous mass of words.  But then I think then what? and I lose motivation. 

I know the journey is supposed to be the destination, so to speak, but sometimes a milestone or a landmark or something to indicate we're going in the right direction (or any direction at all) is nice.  I need a signpost.  Since I'm not seeing one, I guess I have to make one.