A Couple of the (Many Thousands of Things) I Don't Understand

There are books full of things I don't now, nor will I ever, understand. Calculus. Meteorology (although, in fairness to myself, I think the weather forecasts prove even meteorologists don't really understand it). Physics. Any form of economics.

The stuff in the books doesn't bother me so much, though, because it is, with effort comprehensible. To at least someone.

The things that no one writes books about (or at least not books with explanations) are the things I'd like to really understand. Things more related to human nature than esoterica.

Things like: Why is it that most men can watch any James Bond movie everytime it's on TV? In my experience, women don't switch over to Never Say Never Again every time it shows up in the guide. But pretty much every man I know is right there. And they'll watch it again later that same day. And it's not even one of the good ones.

I doliscovered this fact in it's fullest form only recently. Encore apparently made a sweet deal with MGM to play all of the Sean Connery and Roger Moore Bond movies over and over again on all of it's channels. So not a day has gone by since the beginning of August that there hasn't been at least one Bond movie on one of those channels.

At first, I thought it was just Matt. He can also watch Casino and The Godfather every time they're on TV, too. Even when they're on commercial TV. But then, as time has gone on and Encore keeps cycling through the Bond movies, I've heard every other man I have been in contact with (and who also has Encore) that they're also watching Moonraker twice a week.

I get why men like Bond. Tits and guns being the top three reasons for many men. But the cool gadgets and continuous ability to get out of anything are also appealing.

I'm not saying I don't like Bond. It's just that mostly I don't care. And I'd rather have my teeth drilled than watch The Spy Who Loved Me twice in the same decade. So, yeah, this puzzles me and none of the men I ask have a real answer aside from,"it's Bond." I don't get it.

Another thing that I don't understand is how traffic lights know when I'm in a hurry. They know when you're late, too. It's maddening. The minute I get in my car with the thought that I need to rush, every red light between where I am and where I'm going is red. And not just red, newly red. It turns when you're just close enough to think you might get through it.

Conversely, when you need a red light to try to tie a shoe, apply lipstick, blot the drink you spilled, it's nothing but smooth sailing. I once made it from the top of the strip to the bottom without a single red light because I wanted to put on powder before I arrived at the valet. I mean seriously, how do they know?


hannahjustbreathe said...

Hahaha... I loved the end of this post. As someone who commutes daily to work, I am convinced the traffic light gods are out to get me on those mornings when ALL I NEED TO DO is just get myself to the office already. And they can't bring themselves to cooperate. Sighhhh...

Dorothy said...

I know! All I have to do is look at the clock and think, "I'm running late," and it's all over.