7.9.10

An Imperfect Fit

I awoke early this morning, hot and uncomforable, dreams of spiders and strangers plaguing me. Then the thunder began, and the first thing I thought was, I miss LA. I got weepy and nostalgic. As the day has worn on (I've already been up for hours), I've been thinking about my relationship with Vegas. As I've mentioned before: it's an imperfect fit.

In day-to-day life, Vegas has what I need: yoga, my favorite grocery stores, movie theatres, nature near enough, and lots of sun. In this strata, everything works.

If we go a bit deeper, though, things start to go awry. For example, I don't understand the lure of the Strip. At all. The heat is oppressive and, though it really only lasts a few months, is the thing that defines living here in many ways.

Another problem is that I feel like I don't meet people who I'm suited to friendship wise. I find that a lot of people that I meet aren't really thinkers. Not that they're stupid, but they don't want to think about things. And more often than not, they mostly want to acquire things without thought.

This leads to what I call Vegas Culture. Vegas Culture revolves largely around money and appearance. Now, I know what you're going to say: LA is exactly the same. But that's where you're wrong. That's what you get when you visit, but life there is very different than vacation there.

LA has a great gallery scene, live music every day of the week if you want it, movie theatres that show Bergman and Herzog retrospectives. There are beautiful, extensive parks and beaches. There's a museum for just about everything and the neighborhoods have charm and personality distinct to the people who live there. Oh, and the weather is gorgeous 99% of the year.

Vegas is so blank, really. This is partly because it's a new city, relatively speaking. Tracts are/were built and walled in and people drive in and out of them in their climate-controlled cars to the strip malls or casinos where everything is located and it's all the same and it's all rather anonymous.

There are plenty of good things in Vegas, don't get me wrong, but it's the vibe that's wrong for me. It just doesn't suit me. It will never be my city as LA is.

I have friends here, people I genuinely like, but most of whom I'd lose touch with the minute I wasn't living here anymore. And I feel like it's just the nature of the place.

All the same, this is where I live now and for the foreseeable future. I need to get on board, carve a space for me and figure out how to be here. So I will wear this city that grabs in some places, is too big in others and chafes a bit and continue to try to alter it to suit me. I just never want to alter me to fit the place. And that makes things hard sometimes. But I guess life is just hard sometimes.

The important thing is to not get comfortable in discomfort and to always keep going. One inch at a time.

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