I'll tell you a secret. I'm pretty sure that I'm mostly done with Bikram. I won't say that I'll never do another Bikram class, but now that I've been doing other types of yoga, Bikram has fallen to my least favorite class.

Truth is, though, I've always known this day would come. Even when I was going to class every day (or possibly because I was going every day) I knew one day I wouldn't want to do that class anymore.

Part of my problem has always been that I've never had the warm fuzzies for the man himself. I know I'm in the minority here, but he rubs me the wrong way. That's all there is to it. And that was always a cloud over my practice. Not that I went through class thinking about how he isn't my favorite guy, but it loomed. It's kind of like finding out your favorite actor is an asshole. It doesn't ruin the movies he's in, but you never feel quite the same about them.

The other thing is, is that lately, I feel hemmed in by the repetition. It doesn't make it easier to meditate anymore, it just makes me feel like sighing.

I'm not saying I can't find ways to grow in the 26/2, because I can see lots of ways that I can go forward in all of the postures, it's jus that, well, I'm sick of it. I'm tired of finding new depth in a posture. I want to find new depth in my practice overall and Bikram isn't getting me there.

I haven't drunk water in a Bikram class for months. I always take it in just in case some unforseen overwhelming thirst comes upon me, but it sits at the back of my mat, untouched. I have a small towel, also, but it's only for the end of class so I can wipe off a little before I walk out into the chilly lobby. I've even found a place where I can go through a whole class without any unnecessary movement.

I'm ready to move on. Sure I can work the postures more, but I can do that in another class. I feel like I'm not making any progress mentally in Bikram and so, I'm pretty much done.

It helps that my chosen yoga studio is no longer a Bikram studio. I have a lot of options and I'm lucky that way. If Bikam were still my only option, I'd do it rather than do nothing. And possibly, had the studio not gone away from Bikram, I wouldn't feel this way.

What I do know is that I'm moving on. I appreciate all that Bikram has done for me, and now I'm heading in a new direction. I took one last class at one of the other studios to be sure and as I lay in final savasana, I realized that it would be my last class for the forseeable future and it felt good. Good to know, good to acknowledge, and good to be done.


hannahjustbreathe said...

You and I have discussed this---you know I feel similarily sometimes. I'm fairly certain a day will come when I don't head back to the Bikram studio either. I've had several conversations recently with other Bikram yogis who feel frustrated with the ceiling they've hit---they want to try the advanced series or start incorporating other yogas. Anything to add a little spice to the monotony!

Bikram's served its purpose for you. That's awesome. And I'm sure you'll find great, new depths and surprises and challenges as you take on other styles. I'm excited to hear about your explorations! :)

Dorothy said...

Right now, I'm loving what Baptiste is doing for me. And my studio owner is talking about offering Ashtanga - which I'm also really anxious to try. It should be interesting.