Lately, I have not wanted to go to yoga. I go, but I have to talk myself into it every day. I'm avoiding it because I'm getting into my psoas and it's causing a lot of emotional stuff to come out. And I don't feel like dealing with it right now.
First off, let me say that I don't believe in a lot of things. The Secret, The Law of Attraction, Chiropractors, hell, I don't put much stock in Doctors, but I do believe in yoga. And acupuncture. These are two ancient healing techniques that are tried and true, generation after generation, for thousands of years that I've seen work for me. But I know it sounds weird that stretching the front of my hips is creating an emotional release. If I heard someone else talking about it I'd probably think they were, you know - granola-y. It's happening to me right now, though.
I don't want to do any form of pigeon, camel makes me want to punch it in the nose, wheel makes me want to barf, dragon should fly back to it's mythical past, and splits can suck it.
King pigeon is the worst because of the depth of the stretch. Camel comes in a close second, though. Camel is emotional for a lot of people because your chest is open, but throw in a psoas stretch and it's wretched. On a good day, wheel isn't one of my favorite postures. I don't like being inside out and backwards, and that's how wheel has always felt to me - just wrong. Then I got the instruction to straighten my legs and push with my arms. Holy hell. I wanted to stand up and hit the teacher I was so mad. I mean, Jesus Christ on a crutch, dude, why are you trying to torture me? Dragon is pretty pigeon-like, except that it's a Yin pose so you have to hold it for like five minutes. FIVE. It doesn't seem like much now, but while I'm in the positions, I feel like my life is shortening. Splits are pretty easy to avoid. Since most people will hurt themselves trying to get into splits, most teachers don't do them unless they know the people in the class. Still, when they're there, I don't want to.
I've been pretty lucky that most of the time I can walk into a class, throw down my mat and, at some point, find at least a few moments of real blankness. Acupuncture was better. As soon as I was all pinned up, I could find an almost unconscious state of nothingness. Yoga is also good, though. Except not lately. All I want is a nice meditative class. It doesn't have to be easy, but I'd like it if every class wasn't a minor emotional breakdown. Lately it's a fight. I'm getting tired. I guess that's the point, though, right? I can only fight for so long before I get tired, give up, find my ease, and move on.
Catharsis is such a pain in the ass sometimes.