Cloudy Everywhere

Yesterday was one of those days.  The days when, though cloudy everywhere, it was only raining on me and my parade.

The first thing that happened was that I woke up at 3AM on the nose and lay awake for hour after agonizing hour with not a chance of sleep.  Matt and I usually go to be between 12:30 and 1AM because he works evenings.  I should be deep into a second REM cycle at 3AM.  But not yesterday.

I don't know what woke me.  But I was mad.  This hasn't happened to me for a long time, but I got so mad about being awake, I actually kept myself awake.  The adrenaline of rage coursed through my body and my eyes refused to even close.  I tried to breathe it out, but I would find that I was holding tension in my neck.  Then when I'd eradicated that, I'd realize my hand was clenched.  Okay.  Relax, relax...  Then my jaw, my stomach, then I was actually pressing my head into the pillow.  Rage, rage, rage.  No.  Relax, relax, relax.  Finally, just about the time I should be getting up, I started to feel sleepy again.

Since I don't have to go to work, I figured I'd just sleep for a few hours more and then get up feeling not quite fresh as a daisy, but not exactly like shit, either.  This plan worked.  At least sort of.  I got out of bed at 9:30 feeling dazed, but okay.

It seems like the days when you want/need coffee the most is when you're most likely to be deprived of it's company.  I don't usually even drink coffee.  I don't particularly like it and I don't often require its assistance.  However, Matt usually drinks about 5 gallons, so there's usually some to be found.  Yesterday, though, he decided to have tea.  Fine.  I can make coffee.  It only takes a couple of minutes.  So I turned on the machine and went to take a shower.

When I returned to the coffee machine, roughly 10 minutes later, nothing was happening.  The light was on, but the pot still, annoyingly coffee-free.  Which meant I would be coffee free for an indefinite period while I tried to figure out what was wrong.

I may have mentioned before how the coffee machine hates my guts.  It likes to barf on the counter a lot and spit out the filter drawer before the coffee is all the way brewed.  It's a little fuck.  But when it works, the coffee is quite good.  Anyway, I wasn't completely shocked that this bastard wasn't producing for me, but I couldn't figure out what the problem was.  I opened and shut all the doors and drawers.  I made sure I'd put water in, coffee in, I unplugged and then replugged.  I felt the rage building again.  So I just gave up, made some extra strong Lady Grey and moved on with my day.

So that was the second thing that happened.

The third thing that happened was that I had trouble gaining access to the legal dictionary at law.com.  This may seem minor, but well, it wasn't.  Not yesterday.  I know what you're thinking:  What the hell do you need the legal dictionary at law.com for - you're not a lawyer.  True.  I am not a lawyer.  And I never will be, but I have undertaken a project that makes access to the legal dictionary (at law.com) kind of nice.  Yes, there are other legal dictionaries online, but this particular one is really easy to use and has explanations of things that make it easy for a non-lawyer (me) to understand.  Anyway, I could get to it, then it would pop up an error, then there was too much traffic, then I needed to contact the administrator, then I could get to the search form, only to be left waiting forever for the definition to appear.

I went to the 'backup' legal dictionary, but it wasn't the same.  It took a lot longer to get done what I needed to get done and by the end, I wasn't happy.

So I went to yoga.  The class wasn't awful.  That's about as much as I can say for it.  My body was heavy and tired and unwilling to be pushed.  The teacher (not one of my favorites) kept telling me, "You can do this!  I've seen you do this a thousand times!"  Yeah, yeah.  So even there,  I left feeling less than relaxed and definitely with much less energy than I started with.

When I got home, Matt was out and I decided to have lunch without him.  So I took out a chicken breast to throw on my Lean, Mean, Fat-Reducing, Grilling Machine and opened the arugula to make a salad.  But it was slimy and yellow.  I hate Whole Foods sometimes.  This fucking arugula was only a couple of days old and already dead.  So, fine.  I had tomatoes and avocados.  Just slice those up and I'm good.  Slice those and part of my finger off, not as good.

It isn't really all that serious, but it wouldn't stop bleeding.  Initially I bled all over the tomatoes and avocados.  Then I bled through a bandaid without realizing it and had blood all over the dish towel and my shirt.  I finally got it stopped after a lot of pressure and holding my hand over my head until my arm ached.

Then I dropped a jar of mustard.  Somehow on days like these, I always manage to break glass in the messiest possible way.  Then I walked full-force into a cement bollard in the parking lot of Bed Bath & Beyond.

Then, to end the day, the grand fanale.  If I believed in God, I would have been sure he was pointing and laughing.

I packed Matt off to work and went to another yoga.  This was a much better class and I thought I had finished my day in the dunking booth.  I realize now that these are the thoughts you should never think. Because they are inevitably and staggeringly incorrect.

I got home a little after 7.  I had a pork roast ready to throw in the oven and was looking forward to eating it.  So, I put the roast into the baking dish I always use to make it, I rub it up with all the rubby-yumminess (rosemary, cayenne, paprika, sugar) and put it in the oven.  It wasn't a big piece of meat.  I would be enjoying it by 8.  Not the optimal time for eating a meal, but okay.

I sorted some laundry and went to turn the meat.  That's when the grand finale began.  I opened the oven door and started to pull the rack out to turn the meat and the baking dish shattered into a squillion pieces.  Seriously.  Meat, juice, grease, glass.  Everywhere.  It was like a small explosion.  So, of course, I started to cry.  The smoke from the liquid and grease was thick and instant.  The smoke alarms started going off (because we have one of those integrated systems where one of them goes, they all go) and I just stood in a sea of wet glass in my socks, crying.

I tried to close the oven door, but there was so much glass in the hinges, I couldn't.  So I turned off the oven and stepped carefully out of the mess.  I opened all the windows and turned on the fans.  I waited for the oven to cool and the smoke to clear and then began the cleaning process.  It took about an hour to clean up.  Finally, all I had to do was wipe the counters.  I wiped around and as I moved the coffee maker, it started to brew coffee.


catherine said...

That was one big, "Nooooooooo!!!"

I am so sorry about all of that, and I am duly noting your point about never assuming you're out of the dunking booth.

Did you drink the coffee?

Dorothy said...

I did not drink the coffee. I wanted to - just out of spite - but it was late and I would only have kept myself awake.

bikramyogachick said...

Please forgive me for laughing. I read the whole thing, thinking "geez, can the poor girl get a break today?"....sort of horrified at your bad day....and then....the last sentence....about the coffee machine deciding to brew coffee sent me over the edge. I could not stop laughing.
So, while I am sorry you had a bad day....I'm loving the fact that you finally got the freakin coffee machine to work.
And regarding your next post: I'm liking the styles the rainbow studio if offering too. I'm a bikram girl and will still keep a membership at either summerlin or the new westside, but I really like the power flow and baptiste at rainbow. We are lucky to have such a wide variety here.

Dorothy said...

BYC - Laugh away. I'm not without a sense of humor, or the knowledge that I would have been doubled over laughing had this been someone else.

As for the yoga. I'm okay with the "Vegas Hot" in lieu of Bikram. But I think I'll go check out the new Westside studio. I'll do anything yoga. But that hot pilates is bullshit. ^___^