Dorothy's Not Dead

I'm short -- just over 5 feet tall.   People often say to me, "I never realized how short you are!" I think the reason for this is because, in spite of being short, I am not petite. Even at my post-divorce fighting weight of 87 pounds and wearing girls' size 14, I could still fill out a linebacker's jersey pretty well. I have the same body length as my sister who's 5'10".

My only problem is that my lack of stature often translates to gifts of clothing being purchased in sizes I'll never fit into. Even this isn't a real problem until someone like Matt's aunt buys me something in an XS.

Iris (Matt's aunt and only relative outside his nuclear family) is an acquired taste. I'm still adjusting my palate to accommodate for her natural bitterness. It isn't easy. Plus she hates me.

Iris is tall and broad. She saw a shirt she thought I'd like and bought it for me. It was a gesture that I appreciate. The hang-up is that it's tiny.

I had a choice to make: send it back to her with a thank you and an explanation, or just send the thank you without the shirt and pretend it fit. Since I see her pretty often, it would only be a matter of time before Matt (not me) got an earful about how I never wear the shirt she bought me. So I decided to send her the shirt with the explanation.

Matt and I saw her over the weekend. She didn't say a word to me about the shirt, but apparently had a fairly sizeable hissy fit about it to Matt while I was out with Wilbur.

She took my return of her gift as a slight. Even though I explained to her that it didn't fit and that I didn't want something so pretty to hang, unworn, in my closet.

Matt deals with her pretty well. He explained again and added that it was a common mistake about my size. He talked her into not being offended and all was right with the world. Well right-ish anyway.

I pretended not to know anything about the conversation she'd had with Matt and she pretended not to hate me. Matt and I left the next day.

When we got home, Matt had a totally shitty email from her saying that I had left my jacket (sized XS) and she didn't appreciate being lied to. Now, it's true that the jacket I took is an extra small, but that's because it's a men's size. So after everything she's mad again, which means we won't be hearing from her for a while And all over the fact that I'm not petite.  Christ on a cracker.