15.9.09

He Almost Hit Me and I Almost Cried

I don't often get the cart before the horse. When I start to panic about things that haven't happened, I think of the statement above, made by my niece, at age 5. I was at my sister's house and Ann came running into the kitchen with her younger brother (age about 3) in tow and said, "MOM! He almost hit me and I almost cried!" She was serious. It is one of my favorite reminders that what hasn't happened doesn't matter.

Matt is different. He can get far ahead of himself. The what-ifs prey on him like hawks on field mice. One day, he came home from work completely distraught about something that "might happen." So I told him the story.

My birthday is approaching. I will be 35. My impending natal anniversary and the fact that I looked at myself in the mirror the other day and I felt like I looked different (I couldn't place what the change was, but it was different - that's a whole 'nother post, though), has made me feel somewhat ucky.

I've never liked my birthday. Not ever. When I turned five, I remember crying and crying because I wasn't 4 anymore (but I'm totally fine with change). Usually it's the birthday before the landmark birthday that really bothers me. For example, 20 not 21, 24 not 25, 29 not 30... Last year, though, my birthday came and went and I didn't really think about it at all. So I've been bracing for a minor 'event' for the last few months.

I mentioned this to Matt. And he said, "you almost cried?" So here I am. No longer bracing. Just going along. If I have a meltdown, well, I have a meltdown. Leave what's to come where it belongs - when it gets here.

4 comments:

Dirty Kitten said...

35 isn't so bad. I swear. How old are those kids now? I haven't seen them in forever.

Dorothy said...

I'll be okay.

Those kids are now 17 and 15. With the oldest one coming in at 21. Don't even talk to me about time flying, either.

hannahjustbreathe said...

Ohhh, I love the comments kids make...

You're a youngin'. You still have so much ahead. But, you know this. So just go celebrate already. :)

Dorothy said...

Yes, kids say some great stuff. The brother in this tale (around the same time) got into trouble and as my sister was scolding him he said, "Mom do not say those mean words to me!". To which
my sister replied, "But I'm angry with you. What do you think I should say when I'm angry with you?". He said, "You should say (pause for thought) - you should say, 'hewo' (hello)." I love it.

And I will celebrate. In an age-appropriate way.