This is not a comment on the state of my life. It is a bit of nostalgia spurred by a blog post by Hannah (Friday I’m in Love) – which, incidentally, has nothing to do with the song. However, it made me think about The Cure, and Disintegration specifically.

Disintegration was practically the only thing I listened to for months. It was released when I was at the height of my high school angst. I played it over and over and over again on repeat in my CD player. I made a tape to play in the car (in the days before CD players in cars) and in my Walkman as I sat hour after hour in the local coffee shop, smoking like a fiend and swilling caffeinated drinks of all varieties, writing my angsty musings in purple pen (only purple) on page after page of one of my many journals.

It was the theme of my heartbreak over “the only one” and the anthem of my feelings of being misunderstood and oh-so-alone. Of course, the heartbreak was a sine-wave through relationships, the feelings of being misunderstood and alone also rode that wave, and in between were some of the most fun I had with my best friends forever.

I don’t have a copy of Disintegration anymore. Lots of roommates and lots of moves and a couple of desperate moments where I needed some extra cash have been the demise of many a CD. I don't know if I need to go get a copy or not (listen to me prattling about CDs... I mean, of course, that I don't know whether I should download it). It might be fun to have a listen. But then, maybe it would be disappointing. Maybe it's better to leave the memories fond instead of risking a what-the-fuck-was-I-thinking moment. It has been fun to reminisce, though. So thanks, Robert Smith, for the anthems and thanks, Hannah, for the reminder.